


My Light in the Darkness

by hntret12



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-10-01 03:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17236298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hntret12/pseuds/hntret12
Summary: Darkness clouded her vision as she slipped further away from the person who meant the most to her. She reached out trying to grasp her hand but just barely missed. She used everything in her power to reach out one more time but still it wasn’t enough. She slipped further and further into darkness.





	1. Chapter 1

Darkness clouded her vision as she slipped further away from the person who meant the most to her. She reached out trying to grasp her hand but just barely missed. She used everything in her power to reach out one more time but still it wasn’t enough. She slipped further and further into darkness. It was all too familiar of a feeling and brought back the ache in her chest. The panic began to swell as she struggled for air. Each breath felt harder than the last. She couldn’t lose everything again after she had just rebuilt it all. She knew she couldn’t survive that again. Knew it was too much to handle. The loneliness would consume her until she was begging for it to all end. Seeing Lena’s face as she tried to reach out was almost enough to end Kara right then and there. She saw the guilt and sadness on Lena’s face and would never wish that on her. She was consumed by the darkness at this point but heard a murmuring sound coming from above. She knew that voice, but it was impossible. She hadn’t had time to grab Lena’s hand before she was consumed by the darkness but here it was becoming clearer every second. She could almost make out the words but was struggling under the weight of everything else consuming her. Lena was begging her to come back. She knew she had one more shot to get back and wasn’t going to let this one slip away. Using everything she had left in her body she shot up and reached her arm finally feeling someone grasp it on the other side. Light came back into focus as she saw Lena’s form appear before her once again. 

 

“Kara, wake up,” Lena yelled as she watched her girlfriend thrash around on the bed. She had seen Kara have nightmares but never this bed. She had been trying to wake her up for the past few minutes but so far had no luck. She shook her one more time and Kara grasped her hand as she shot up in bed. 

 

“Lena,” Kara yelled when she saw her girlfriend next to her on the bed. Realizing where she was and that she had just had another nightmare she tried to calm her breathing, but it was only getting worse. Lena could see that panic attack that was building in her girlfriend and quickly pulled Kara’s hand to her chest. 

 

“Kara, honey listen to my heartbeat. Try to take a few deep breaths,” Lena started as Kara slightly nodded her head. Lena tried to calm her own breathing and after a few minutes of this Kara started to control her breathing a little better. Lena sat with her hand on Kara’s back rubbing slow circles as she waited for Kara’s breathing to return to normal. They sat like that for 30 minutes as Lena just continued to whisper in Kara’s ear that they were both safe and nothing bad was going to happen to them. 

 

“Sorry for waking you,” Kara finally said as she had just calmed herself down enough to talk again. 

 

“Kara, look at me,” Lena said as she grabbed Kara’s chin and forced the girl’s head up, so they were looking at each other. “You don’t ever have to apologize for that. I am always going to be here for you,” Lena said and wiped away the tears that had been running down Kara’s face. Kara nodded her head and wrapped herself around her girlfriend not wanting to let go of her again. 

 

“Do you want to talk about it,” Lena said even though she knew what the answer would be.

 

“Not right now,” Kara said as Lena nodded her head that she understood. 

 

“Alright well why don’t you close your eyes and try to go back to bed,” Lena said running her fingers through Kara’s hair. 

 

“I don’t know if I can. Would you just talk to me for a little bit?” Kara said turning to look into her girlfriend’s eyes.

 

“Of course I can,” Lena said kissing Kara’s head as she started to talk to Kara about the new projects that her science division was working on. Kara had drifted off to sleep within a few minutes and Lena stayed up for a while making sure that Kara wasn’t going to have any more nightmares. After a while she felt her eyes growing heavier and wrapped herself around her girlfriend letting sleep consume her knowing the two of them were safe in each other’s arms.


	2. Chapter 2

It started a few weeks ago. Lena woke up to Kara tossing and turning in bed and quickly realized that her girlfriend was having a nightmare. Lena managed to wake Kara up but couldn’t get any information out of the girl. Not wanting to push Kara, Lena let it go and forgot about it until two weeks later when Kara had another nightmare and Lena once again held Kara until they both fell back asleep. The next day Kara acted like nothing happened and told Lena she was perfectly fine. The next week she had woken Lena up three nights in a row and still refused to say anything about what had happened. Kara told Lena that she was fine and had just been stressed with her work at Catco and Supergirl duties. Lena and Kara had lived together for 6 months and had been together for a year and Lena had never seen Kara like this. Sure, the girl had her bad days as did Lena but never this bad. 

 

Lena woke up in the morning after staying up late with Kara making sure she fell back asleep. She heard Kara’s soft snoring and gently shifted Kara over on the bed, so she could get up and grab a cup of coffee. It was Sunday so neither her or Kara had anything to do today unless Supergirl was needed for any emergencies. Lena brewed a fresh pot of coffee and sat down on the couch as she waited for it to finish. She didn’t know what to do about Kara. She was at a loss and knew the one person who might be able to help her out. She sent a text and got up as she saw the coffee was finished brewing. She had been reading the newspaper for a few minutes when her phone went off and she saw Alex’s name appear on the screen. 

 

“Hey Alex, sorry if I woke you up,” Lena said as she set the newspaper down and went out onto her balcony, so she wouldn’t wake up Kara. 

 

“No, you’re good. Maggie and I woke up half an hour ago. So, what did you want to ask me about Kara?” Alex asked worried about her sister after she saw Lena’s text. 

 

“I was hoping we could talk in person. I was thinking you two could come over here and then Maggie could hang out with Kara for a little bit while the two of us talked,” Lena said as she looked out towards the city. 

 

“Sure, why don’t we come by in about an hour or so,” Alex replied as she said bye to Lena and hung up the phone. 

 

“Hey babe, who was that?” Maggie asked as she came out of the bathroom just finishing up a shower. 

 

“That was Lena, she wants to talk to me about Kara. I’m not sure what is going on, but I told her we could be over at their apartment in about an hour. Is that okay with you?” Alex asked as Maggie came over and wrapped her arms around her.

 

“Of course. I love both Kara and Lena and I would do anything for them,” Maggie said as she kissed Alex on the lips.

 

“Alright I am going to take a quick shower and then we can head over,” Alex said as she headed over to the bathroom.

 

Lena ended the call with Alex and headed back into her apartment. She walked back into their room and saw that Kara was still sleeping. She really didn’t want to wake her but knew Kara would want time to wake up before Maggie and Alex came over. She walked over to the side of the bed where Kara was and kissed her on the head before gently shaking her awake. Kara gently opened her eyes and smiled at the sight of her girlfriend in front of her. 

 

“Hey sorry to wake you up but Maggie and Alex are going to come by in a little bit and I didn’t know if you would want to take a shower or not,” Lena said as she ran her fingers through Kara’s hair. 

 

“Yeah I should take a shower. Why are Alex and Maggie coming by, not that I am not happy to see them, but I didn’t know they were planning on coming,” Kara asked as she started to sit up and leaned into Lena’s side. 

 

“Alex had some questions about some technology she was investigating for a case at the DEO and she thought I could take a look at it for her to give her a second opinion. So, I am going to head over there with her for a little bit and Maggie thought the two of you could hang out for a little bit,” Lena said hating lying to her girlfriend but also knew she had to get some time alone with Alex. 

 

“Okay, sounds good. I am just going to jump into the shower really quick,” Kara said as she gave Lena a quick kiss on the lips and then went into the bathroom. Lena got changed and went back out into the main room to make some breakfast for her and Kara. Kara came out a few minutes later and the two ate breakfast before Alex and Maggie arrived. The two girls showed up 20 minutes later and after the four of them talked for a few minutes Alex and Lena said goodbye and headed out to the DEO. They got to the DEO and Alex led Lena to her lab shutting the door so the two could have a conversation in private.

 

“Alright so what is going on with Kara,” Alex asked seeing the worried look on Lena’s face. 

 

“I’m not entirely sure but the past few weeks she has been waking up from nightmares. It started just once a week but this week it has happened three nights in a row. Every time it happens, I try and talk to Kara and ask her about it, but she says that nothing is wrong. Last night she had a panic attack and I eventually got her back to sleep but I don’t know what to do to help her anymore if she won’t talk to me,” Lena said with desperation in her voice. 

 

“She used to get nightmares a lot when she first got to Earth but they have gotten better over the years. I know she will get them occasionally, but it worries me that they have been happing this often. Is she saying anything in her sleep before you wake her up?” Alex asked as she looked over to Lena.

 

“I haven’t heard her say anything. Usually she is tossing and turning and just mumbling,” Lena said.

 

“Alright, Kara has never been one to open up on her feelings and she used to shut herself off when she first came to Earth but maybe I could try and talk to her,” Alex said worried about her little sister after hearing what Lena had to say.

 

“I would appreciate that. I have tried to get her to talk but I haven’t gotten anywhere so maybe you will have more luck,” Lena finished as the two got up and headed back towards Lena and Kara’s apartment. They got back and found Maggie and Kara sitting on the couch watching reruns of a tv show. 

 

“Hey, did Lena help you find anything?” Kara asked smiling at the two.

 

“Yeah she was able to give me some more information,” Alex said feeling bad about lying to her sister. Alex and Lena sat down on the couch to join the two other girls watching tv. They were watching for about an hour when Alex’s phone went off. She picked it up and was on the phone for less than a minute before she hung up and got off the couch. 

 

“Hey Kara, we are both needed at the DEO,” Alex said as Kara nodded her head and got off the couch as well. Both girls kissed their girlfriends goodbye and headed out the door. 

 

“Hey how did your talk with Alex go,” Maggie asked after the two sisters had left. 

 

“It went pretty good. Kara’s been having some issues with nightmares and won’t really talk to me about it, so Alex is going to try and see if she can get Kara to talk at all,” Lena said as she looked over at the detective on the couch. 

 

“If anyone can get through to Kara, it would be Alex. Those two have a relationship like none other,” Maggie said as both her and Lena smiled thinking about their girlfriends. 

 

“I hope so because I don’t know how to help her,” Lena said as Maggie reached over and grabbed her hand. The two sat back onto the couch and turned the volume back on the tv. 

 

000

 

The alien capture at the DEO had gone smoothly and both the Danvers sisters were back at the DEO filling out paperwork about the mission. Alex knew this was as good a time as any to talk to Kara, so she stopped her work and turned towards her sister.

 

“Hey, so how has everything been going lately?” Alex asked as she saw Kara look up from the papers she was filling out. 

 

“Fine, why do you ask?” Kara said looking at Alex with a confused expression on her face. 

 

“No reason just wanted to check in with you,” Alex said, and Kara’s face suddenly changed. 

 

“Lena told you, didn’t she?” Kara said suddenly realizing why the two girls went out alone this morning. 

 

“She did, but don’t be mad at her Kara she is just worried about you and so am I,” Alex said as she walked over to where Kara was sitting. 

 

“Look I appreciate that both of you are looking out for me but like I told Lena I am fine. I have just been really busy at Catco and here as Supergirl and I have been stressed,” Kara said as she looked over to Alex.

 

“Are you sure that is all it is? She said you were having nightmares, do you remember what they were about?,” Alex said not totally believing Kara. 

 

“I don’t remember what they were about, but I am sure that once work slows down at Catco I will be fine again,” Kara said. She didn’t like lying to Alex or Lena but also didn’t want to be a burden to both of them. The nightmares she was having had been too real and she couldn’t quite come to terms with them right now and voicing them out loud made them feel even more real. 

 

“Alright well if they don’t go away let me know and we can figure out what is going on,” Alex said as she squeezed Kara’s shoulder and kissed the top of her head before she went over to finish up her paperwork, so they could both go home. She sensed that Kara wasn’t being completely honest with her but also didn’t want to push her too much, so she decided for now she would let it go but keep a close eye on her sister. The two worked in mostly silence for the next 15 minutes until they were both finished and got into Alex’s car to head back to their girls. Alex looked over to her sister sitting next to her and wondered if she should have pushed the girl a little more to talk about what was going on.


	3. Chapter 3

Things seemed to get better after Alex had her conversation with Kara. It had been almost a week since that day and Lena hadn’t been woken up once by Kara having a nightmare. Lena knew Alex told her that the conversation with Kara really hadn’t gone anywhere but she just figured maybe Kara was telling the truth about being stressed with work. Kara had told Lena that work had finally slowed down again and since the nightmares had stopped Lena didn’t see any reason why she should keep pestering Kara about them.

 

Lena and Kara both went to bed by 11 tonight and Lena was asleep within 10 minutes. Kara laid in bed waiting to make sure Lena was fully asleep just as she had every night this week. She knew that Alex and Lena were worried about her and she couldn’t tell them what was wrong, so she devised a way to make them think she was okay again. For the past couple days Kara would lay in bed with Lena until she was sure her girlfriend was asleep, and only then would she get out of bed and go into the main room. Her original plan was just to stop sleeping all together, so she wouldn’t have any nightmares but knew she would eventually need sleep. However, that was the tricky part because Lena always woke up the second, she started having a nightmare. So, Kara had been getting out of bed and going into the guest bedroom to sleep in there. She was only sleeping about an hour or two a night because she had to be alert in case Lena woke up in the middle of the night and noticed she was gone. That coupled with the fact that Kara would get back into their bed before Lena woke up meant that Kara was barely sleeping at all. The nightmares were still there but this was the only way for her to convince Lena and Alex that she was fine. On this particular night however, she was too scared to close her eyes and be transported to the nightmares that were sure to plague her sleep. She spent the whole night awake and eventually decided to get back into bed around 3am so she could be with her girlfriend. She must have been louder than normal because Lena turned over just as she was lifting the sheets up to get back in.

 

“Hey, did you have a nightmare?” Lena asked as she sat up slightly looking at Kara. 

 

“No, babe go back to sleep. I just got up to go the bathroom,” Kara lied as she slid under the covers. Lena cuddled up to Kara’s side and was sleeping again a minute later. Kara listened to Lena’s steady heartbeat as she watched the hours tick by on the clock. She closed her eyes when she saw that Lena’s alarm was about to go off and slowed down her breathing. Lena’s alarm went off a minute later and Kara slowly opened her eyes wanting to make sure she gave Lena the impression that she had just woken up. 

 

“Good morning beautiful, how did you sleep?” Lena asked as she turned off her alarm and turned back to Kara kissing her softly on the lips. 

 

“Pretty good actually,” Kara said as she kissed Lena back and slid her hand under her girlfriend’s shirt kissing her deeper. 

 

“Kara as much as I would love to spend the morning here in bed with you, I have to get up. I have a huge day today at L-Corp and I need to get ready,” Lena said as she struggled to pull herself away from her girlfriend looking at her with puppy dog eyes and pouting. “I tell you what if you let me get up now, I promise you I will make it up to you tonight,” Lena said as Kara immediately released her grip on the CEO and let her get up. 

 

“I’m going to hold you to that,” Kara said as Lena winked back at her before disappearing into the bathroom. 

 

Kara got up and changed before heading out into the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Lena came out 20 minutes later and grabbed a cup of coffee to take before she kissed Kara goodbye and headed to work. Kara went to the bathroom to finish getting ready and headed to Catco. She picked a wrong day to get absolutely no sleep. As soon as she got to work, she was sent out to cover a story. She was on her way back to Catco when she got a call from Alex that there was a giant accident on the highway. She sped over there and spent an hour saving people and holding up an overpass that was threating to fall down before she heard sirens and went over to help the fire department with a massive fire in an apartment building. She had just gotten back to Catco when Snapper yelled at her for 20 minutes for being gone from work for so long. She couldn’t lie her way out of why she was gone so she just sat there and let him yell. She had just gotten out of work for the day and was looking forward to heading home to Lena when Alex called her again to see if she could help the DEO with capturing an alien who was causing trouble on the outskirts of the city. She of course said yes and spent another two hours helping capture the alien and filling out paperwork before she finally was free to go home for the night. She walked in their apartment close to 7pm and saw Lena curled up on the couch reading a book. Lena put down the book when she heard the door open and smiled at Kara.

 

“Hey, long day?” Lena said as she saw the tired expression on her girlfriend’s face. 

 

“You have no idea. I had three different Supergirl emergencies and then to top it all off I had to listen to Snapper yell at me,” Kara said as she put her stuff down and headed over to the couch to cuddle with her girlfriend. Kara couldn’t explain how she was feeling in this moment. She had been tired for weeks with the lack of sleep but tonight felt different. Her whole body felt tired and she just felt like she couldn’t focus on anything. She tried to push it all aside and focus on Lena who was sitting next to her.

 

“Sorry to hear that babe, but at least you are home now. Also, I just ordered food for us and it should be here in a few minutes,” Lena said and started to worry when she only saw a small smile appear on Kara’s face. She figured that the girl was just tired, so she let it go. 

 

“Good, I’m starving,” Kara said as the two sat on the couch for a few minutes until the food arrived. They sat down at the table and started eating as Lena told Kara the highlights of her day at work. Lena had been talking and noticed that it was mostly a one-sided conversation. She would get a few words from Kara but noticed the girl was mostly just staring down at her plate and pushing her food around. Lena was starting to get even more worried because even when Kara was tired, she still usually had a good appetite. 

 

“Babe,” Lena said as Kara still continued to stare down at her plate. It was as if the girl was off in her own world and couldn’t hear what Lena was saying. Lena reached over the table and grabbed Kara’s arm. This caused Kara to panic and jump out of her seat. She had been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn’t even realized what was going on around her. 

 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Lena asked as she went over to Kara who looked panicked. 

 

“Sorry, nothing I just spaced out for a minute and you scared me when you grabbed my arm,” Kara said getting mad at herself for not paying attention to Lena. 

 

“I mean are you sure there is nothing else going on. Kar, you have barely touched your food and haven’t said more than a few words since we sat down to eat,” Lena said as she reached out to grab Kara’s hand. 

 

“Yeah, you know I am just really tired. I had a long day and I think it is all just catching up to me,” Kara said as she grabbed Lena’s hand back and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “You know what I think I am just going to go to bed,” Kara said knowing Lena always went into her office after dinner and did some work for L-Corp for a few hours. Kara figured she could take advantage of that and get a few hours of sleep before Lena went to bed. 

 

“That sounds like a good idea. You know what I think I will do some of my work on my laptop so that way I can be in bed with you while you sleep,” Lena said and noticed the brief look of disappointment on Kara’s face before it turned into a smile. 

 

“Sounds good,” Kara said as she kissed Lena and made her way to the bathroom to get ready for bed. She couldn’t tell Lena she didn’t want her in their bedroom because that would signal to her that something was really wrong, so she just hoped she could stay awake long enough till Lena eventually fell asleep. Lena went into her office and grabbed her laptop and a few files before she headed back to their bedroom. She set her stuff down on the counter and changed into her pajamas before she got into bed. Kara was already in bed and looked exhausted but wouldn’t shut her eyes. 

 

“Babe just close your eyes,” Lena said as she pulled Kara closer to her and ran her fingers through her hair. Kara tried to keep her eyes open but the combination of Lena’s fingers running through her hair and the sound of her heartbeat slowly lured Kara into a deep sleep. Lena stayed like this for a few minutes before she slowly released her hold on Kara and pulled out her laptop to go through some emails. She finished up an hour later and noticing Kara was still sound asleep she quietly got out of bed to use the bathroom before she returned and soon after fell asleep as well. 

 

0000

 

Kara looked around the room and was confused. She must have fallen asleep, but she was no longer in the comfort of her bedroom with Lena. She was standing in a warehouse surrounded by an army of men. They all had guns and she was prepared to fight them until a voice came out from the distance. 

 

“Not so fast Supergirl,” the voice said as a man appeared from the shadows. Kara had never seen this man before but immediately froze when she saw the people being brought out behind the man. Lena, Alex, Maggie, and Eliza were all handcuffed and each were being brought into the warehouse by some of the men. Each of them had a gun to their heads and tape over their mouths. “How about we play a little game,” the man said as a smile appeared on his face and Kara suddenly felt a pair of Kryptonite handcuffs around her wrists. She was chained to the floor and had no way of escaping. She looked into each of the four women’s eyes before her and saw how scared they looked. “We are going to see who you love the most,” the man continued as Kara tried to break the chains. 

 

“You don’t have to hurt any of them. Just tell me what you want, and I will do it,” Kara said as she continued to struggle against the handcuffs. 

 

“See that is the thing, you have nothing to offer me. I just want to see who you will pick. In two minutes, I am going to ask you to pick one of the four of these women and whoever you pick gets to live. If you don’t pick, then I will just kill all four of them. Who do you love the most?” the man asked as he started a timer. 

 

“I can’t pick, don’t make me do this,” Kara pleaded as she saw the man turn his back and walk away. Kara knew she couldn’t make this decision. She couldn’t bear look at any of the women in front of her but made eye contact with Alex and knew what she was doing. She was looking towards Lena and asking her to save the CEO. Kara knew Lena would want her to save someone else, but this was an impossible decision. How do you choose between your girlfriend, your sister, the women who had become like a mother to her, and the women who had become like a second sister to her? She closed her eyes and heard the time go off. 

 

“Well Supergirl, who will it be,” the man said as he came back over. 

 

“Please don’t make me,” Kara begged as she made eye contact with Lena. The scared look in her eyes was almost enough to make her yell out her girlfriend’s name but she knew she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she picked. The choice was taken from her as she heard four gunshots ring out and watched the four most important people in her life fall to the ground. She screamed and tried to get free but was being held down by someone. She tried to get up and fell to the ground as the warehouse disappeared and she was once again in her bedroom with Lena standing above her with panic in her eyes. 

 

“Kara, can you hear me?” Lena begged as she have never seen Kara this scared. She had once again woken up to Kara thrashing around in bed but this time it was different. Lena couldn’t break Kara out of her nightmare and instead listened as Kara yelled out begging someone not to make her choose. Lena tried shaking the girl and soon after Kara fell out of bed and Lena ran over to her, relived to see that she had finally woken up but panicked when she saw the faraway look in Kara’s eyes. 

 

“Lena, are you hurt?” Kara asked, and Lena was quickly confused as to why Kara would think that. 

 

“No Kara, I’m fine but you had another nightmare and it seemed like it was really bad,” Lena said as she bent down and rubbed a hand on Kara’s back. Her shirt at this point was soaked in sweat but Lena’s focus was on trying to get Kara to calm down. 

 

“What about Alex, Maggie, and Eliza,” Kara asked as she looked up at Lena. 

 

“Kara they are all fine. It’s the middle of the night. Do you know where you are?” Lena asked sensing her girlfriend might not entirely know where she was. 

 

Kara was about to answer when suddenly her breathing picked up and Lena knew what was coming. She got on the ground next to Kara who was hunched over trying to take a deep breath and put a hand on her back. She tried talking to Kara for a few minutes and telling her to breath deep, but nothing was working so she reached over to her table and pulled Kara’s phone from off the counter. She saw the time and realized it was 2 in the morning, but knew she needed help. She found Alex’s name in Kara’s phone and dialed it cursing under her breath when it went straight to voicemail. She went back to the contacts and breathed a sigh of relief when she dialed Maggie and heard a voice on the other end. 

 

“Kara, it is 2 in the morning why are you calling?” Maggie asked her voice thick with sleep. 

 

“Maggie it’s Lena. Look sorry for calling you but I need Alex right now,” Lena yelled out on the phone as she tried to keep her hand on Kara’s back. 

 

“Is Kara okay?” Alex asked suddenly awake at hearing the panic in Lena’s voice. Alex had woken up when Maggie’s phone went off and put Maggie’s phone on speaker so they both could hear Lena.

 

“No, she’s not, she had another nightmare and is having a panic attack but this one is different. I can’t get through to her and she is still breathing really erratically,” Lena said as she felt Kara grip tighter on her arm. 

 

“Alright we will be there as quick as we can,” Alex said as she hung up and her and Maggie got dressed and ran out to the car. “Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have let up on Kara so easily when we talked,” Alex said as Maggie grabbed her hand while still looking at where she was driving. 

 

“Alex this isn’t your fault, but we will be there soon and now is your chance to help out Kara,” Maggie said trying to keep her voice calm but inside was panicking. She pushed on the gas a little harder wanting to get to Kara as soon as possible. 

 

They arrived a few minutes later and Alex used a spare key she had to get into the apartment. The two ran in and went into the bedroom and were both heartbroken by the scene in front of them. Kara was on the floor sobbing and breathing heavily with her head on Lena’s lap. Lena had tears rolling down her eyes and was trying her best to calm Kara down, but it obviously wasn’t working. As soon as Maggie and Alex stepped foot into the bedroom, Kara jolted out of Lena’s lap and hunched over. Alex knew what was going to happen and grabbed the trashcan by the door before she ran over just in time and got the can under Kara’s mouth. Kara’s body lurched forward, and she heaved a few times as Alex held her hair back and Lena rubbed circles on her back. Maggie went into the bathroom to get some water and a cool washcloth to use on Kara. They waited for Kara to finish before Alex moved the trashcan over towards the bathroom and Kara sat back down in Lena’s lap. Maggie gave Kara water to rinse her mouth with and Lena helped her take a sip of it after she finished rinsing her mouth out. Lena took Kara’s shirt off for her since it was soaked in sweat and Maggie helped wipe Kara’s body down with the cool damp cloth. Alex brought over a new shirt and they helped Kara change into it before she laid back down. The four of them just sat there until Kara passed out from exhaustion a few minutes later. Alex helped Lena lift Kara into their bed and Lena laid with her for a few minutes making sure she wasn’t going to wake up again as Maggie and Alex cleaned up the mess that had been made. Lena got up a few minutes later and left her bedroom door open as she made her way out into the main room where Alex and Maggie were standing. Maggie could see the hesitation on Lena’s face not wanting to leave Kara alone but also knowing Lena needed to talk to Alex. 

 

“I’ll go lay down with her and make sure she is okay,” Maggie said as Lena thanked her and she made her way to the bed and gently got into it. Kara whimpered slightly in her sleep, but Maggie gently rubbed her shoulder and the younger girl quieted once again. 

 

Out in the main room Alex had sat down on the couch with Lena who was still crying softly and tried to comfort her. They sat like that for a few minutes before Alex spoke up. 

 

“What happened tonight?” Alex asked as she held back tears of her own knowing Lena needed her to be strong right now. 

 

“I don’t know. She said she had a really long day with Supergirl and Catco and seemed really tired. She was spaced out most of dinner, but I figured she just needed some sleep so we both went to bed early and then I woke up a few hours later to her thrashing around again. It was different this time though, I couldn’t wake her up and she was yelling out in her sleep and then I tried to shake her awake and she fell onto the ground and was asking if I was okay. After that she asked if you and Maggie and your mom were okay and then she started breathing really heavily and that’s when I called Maggie,” Lena explained as Alex held her hand the entire time. 

 

“I knew she was lying when she told me she was just stressed last week. There is something going on and she won’t tell anyone,” Alex said as she looked over to the bedroom where her sister was. 

 

“I had the same feeling, but I let it go because she told me it was better. Look Alex I don’t know what is happening with Kara, but we have to get to the bottom of it before it gets any worse,” Lena said as she looked over to the bedroom as well. She had never been as scared as she was tonight when she looked into Kara’s eyes and knew that they had to get the girl to talk before they lost her.


	4. Chapter 4

Kara opened her eyes and immediately noticed how bright it was outside. She looked over to her clock and saw that it was close to 11 in the morning. It was Saturday, so she didn’t have to go into work, but she was confused because she usually woke up by 8 even on the weekends. She also noticed that her bed was empty and figured Lena must be somewhere else in the apartment. She listened and instead of hearing just one other heartbeat she heard three. All of a sudden, the events from last night came flooding back to her. She remembered coming home from work and eating dinner and then going to bed early. She remembered the horrible nightmare she had and how real it had felt. She remembered waking up and feeling so out of control. No matter how hard she tried to control her breathing and ground herself she couldn’t. She thought she remembered Alex and Maggie showing up, but she still wasn’t sure what was real and what wasn’t last night. She remembered getting sick and then laying down and next thing she knew she was at this moment listening to three other heartbeats in their apartment. That most likely meant that Alex and Maggie had in fact shown up last night and had spent the rest of the night and were still here. She knew that if they were still here that meant they were waiting to talk to her and she didn’t know if she could face that just yet, so she tried to quietly get up and get over to the balcony to escape before anyone noticed. 

 

“Where do you think you are going?” Lena asked as she had seen Kara slip out of bed and had an idea of what she would try to do.

 

“Umm I just heard a siren and thought I would go help out,” Kara said as she slowly turned around to face Lena. 

 

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Lena said as she came over to Kara and pulled her back over towards the bed. “Look I know you probably don’t want to talk about last night, but we have to Kar,” Lena said as she pulled Kara down, so they were both sitting on the bed side by side. 

 

“Look, I don’t know what to say. It was just a nightmare but I’m fine,” Kara said as she saw the look that appeared on Lena’s face. 

 

“Babe, you are not fine. I had to call Alex to come help you last night because I have never seen you like that before. Look I don’t know what you have been dreaming about but I know that you keeping it a secret isn’t going to help anyone. You need to open up and talk about it otherwise it is going to consume you,” Lena said as she grabbed Kara’s hand. 

 

“She’s right Kara,” Alex said as she had heard talking and walked into the bedroom to help Lena out. “I was so scared when I saw you last night. I haven’t seen you like that since you first came to Earth. I know that it is probably really scary for you to relive what you have been dreaming but we just want to help you out,” Alex said as she came over to the bed and took Kara’s other hand. 

 

“I don’t even know where to begin,” Kara said as she felt tears coming to her eyes.

 

“Look, why don’t we start with some breakfast for you and then we can all sit down and talk. You can take all the time you need but I am not just going to let you go again without talking about it,” Alex said as she kissed the top of her sister’s head and pulled her up to the kitchen where Maggie was making some more food. 

 

“Morning little Danvers, you hungry?” Maggie asked as she smiled at the younger girl coming into the kitchen.

 

“Sure, thanks Maggie,” Kara said as she sat down and began to eat while the other three girls all drank their coffee. Breakfast was mostly silent, but Kara could see each of the three girls talking turns glancing at Kara trying to see if she was okay. She was starting to get uncomfortable sitting there and was dreading the conversation that was about to happen. She suddenly lost her appetite and knew they might as well just get it over with. They made their way over to the couch and Maggie and Alex pulled up two chairs, so they could all be sitting near one another. They all sat in silence for a few minutes as Lena just kept rubbing her hand on Kara’s back. They could all sense that the girl was nervous and scared as she was almost shaking but no one wanted to push her to talk. Alex was the only one who had really seen Kara like she had been last night and knew the other two girls had been affected by seeing Kara in that state. Alex decided she needed to be the one to start this conversation. 

 

“Kara, I know this isn’t easy for you but just remember that we all love you and we just want to help you. Why don’t you just start by telling us when these nightmares started,” Alex said as she saw her sister take a deep breath. 

 

“Umm I guess it was about two months ago. I had a nightmare and woke myself up before Lena noticed and then I didn’t have one for a few more weeks but when I did Lena woke up for that one,” Kara said as she decided to just keep talking. “They started out not too bad, but they have gotten progressively worse as you could tell by last night. After you and Lena confronted me last week, I knew I had to do something to make you two think I was okay, so I just started sleeping a lot less. I would get up after Lena went to bed and lay down in the guest room and sleep an hour or two and then go back in our bed before Lena woke back up,” Kara said as she made eye contact with Lena who looked heartbroken at hearing this. 

 

“Kara, I wish you would have just told me what was going on. I would have stayed up with you and tried to help,” Lena said as she squeezed Kara’s hand. 

 

“I know you would have Lena, which is why I didn’t tell you in first place. I didn’t want to be a burden to you and didn’t want you worrying about me,” Kara said as she looked down towards the floor.

 

“Babe,” Lena said grabbing Kara’s chin and lifting up her head, so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You are never a burden to me,” Lena said hoping Kara would actually believe her. 

 

“Kara you have always been there for all of us and we are always going to be here for you,” Maggie said as Kara looked over towards her. 

 

“Thank you,” Kara said as she looked at all three girls sitting in front of her. She was suddenly taken back to her nightmare last night and her breath hitched for a moment. She might have gotten away with it had she not been sitting in a room with the three people who could read her best in the world.

 

“Kara, what are you thinking about?” Lena said as she noticed Kara’s demeanor change rather quickly. 

 

“No, no I can’t talk about it,” Kara said as the tears started falling again. 

 

“Why not?” Alex asked as she reached over for Kara’s hand seeing the change in her sister. 

 

“Because then it becomes too real. If I voice what happened, then I have to deal with what I have been seeing and that is too much. I can’t,” Kara said and suddenly the words were just flowing out of her. She was losing control of her emotions and knew the truth was going to come out. “I can’t… It hurts too much. Every nightmare I have I am losing someone that I care about. I am always trying to reach out and grab on of your hands, but I always miss and slip away into the darkness. Each nightmare is a different person and each time I fail. Last night was the three of you and Eliza. Except this time, I could see all four of you and the panic and fear on your faces. This time I was given a chance to save you and I didn’t,” Kara said as the tears came faster and her breathing picked up. “I was told to pick one of the four of you to live otherwise you would all die, and I couldn’t make a decision. I let all four of you die and I had to sit and watch as I was chained to the floor. I don’t know if I can ever get the looks of your faces out of my head. It’s all just too much,” Kara cried out as the three other girls watched in horror. They all had an idea that the nightmares were pretty bad but none of them guessed it was as bad as this. 

 

“Kara, I know it seemed very realistic, but it was just a dream,” Alex said trying to calm her sister but seemed to do the opposite. 

 

“Was it though, can you honestly tell me that this will never happen Alex. I fight some of the most dangerous people on this planet and what if this happens and I can’t save you all,” Kara said as she looked towards her sister. “I failed all of you, but I also couldn’t have lived with myself if I had made that decision,” Kara said as she felt Lena’s hands tighter around her shoulder. 

 

“Kara, I know that you deal with danger everyday but so do the rest of us. None of us can predict the future but we are all safe right now and that is what matters,” Maggie said as she reached over and put her hand on Kara’s leg. 

 

“Kara, she’s right. I can’t promise you that we will never be in danger but like Maggie said we can’t just sit in fear of what might happened. We have to all live our lives and just be happy for every day we have,” Alex said as she got up out of her chair and sat down next to Kara on the couch. “Look I know that loss is a very real thing for you given your childhood, so I know how horrifying those nightmares were for you, but none of us are going anywhere and it’s okay to not be okay. All of us are here for you and when you’re not doing good you need to come to one of us and let us know so we can help you. You are not alone anymore, and you need to lean on your family when things are hard,” Alex finished as she felt Kara squeeze her hand and look at her. 

 

“I know that I should have told all of you what was going on but it’s not easy for me to let down my walls. I am so used to being that girl who just lost everyone and I need to realize that I have family and people who care for me now,” Kara said as she looked at all three women in the room. 

 

“I know what you mean Kara. I think all of us in this room need to work on letting all walls down,” Lena said as everyone chuckled hearing this and for a brief second all the tension left the room. “I know how hard it is to let people in and how terrifying that is, but I did that with the you and it has been the best decision I have ever made,” Lena said as Kara leaned over and cuddled into her side. Alex and Maggie breathed a sigh of relief, happy for at least now they had gotten through to the younger girl. After they finished talking it was decided that a movie day was needed so all four girls cuddled up on the couch and spent the rest of the day eating and watching tv. Kara still felt broken but looking around at the three other women in the room she knew that she was never truly alone.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been two weeks since Kara had sat down and talked with Lena, Alex, and Maggie. Two weeks of ups and downs and two weeks of trying to pretend she wasn’t completely broken inside. She had become pretty good over the years at putting on a fake smile and sunny demeanor. Lena, Alex, and Maggie were all watching her closely and it was starting to get on her nerves. She knew they meant well but she felt like she was magically supposed to be happy and feel good again and that wasn’t the case. 

 

That is why she found herself alone at an alien bar on a Friday night. It took some lying on her part to get there by herself. Alex and Maggie had invited her over as well as Lena for a sister night, but she told them that her and Lena just wanted a quiet night it. Alex understood of course, and they rescheduled for Sunday instead. That was the easy part, the hard part was making up an excuse as to why she was leaving Lena alone on a Friday night. She went with what she thought was the easiest and most believable excuse. Kara had left Catco late that day and knew Lena was working a little late as well. She called her to let her know that Alex had called and needed help capturing an alien with the DEO. Lena was used to getting calls like this from Kara, so she thought nothing of it and told Kara she would see her later that night. Kara was free for the night and needed an escape. She knew what some humans did when they needed an escape and knew an alien bar where they served alcohol that affected aliens the same way it did humans. She had only tried the alcohol once when she was out with Alex and knew how strong it was but figured she would just have a drink or two and then go back home to Lena an hour or two later. 

 

Kara got to the bar about 20 minutes later and immediately sat down and ordered a drink. The drink arrived, and she downed it quickly. It burned on the way down, but she immediately found a sense of relief wash over her. She ordered another one and decided that it would be her last for the night. She took the next drink down and allowed herself a few minutes to just forget about everything that had been happening the last couple months. 

 

Lena had been sitting at home for a few hours after work and was starting to get worried about Kara. She had gotten a call from Kara saying she was helping Alex out at the DEO but that was hours ago. She knew that sometimes things didn’t go as planned and it extended the time Kara was needed there but Kara would usually call and update her if this was the case. She decided to give Maggie a call just to see if she had heard from Alex at all. 

 

“Hey Lena, what’s up?” Maggie said as she saw the girl’s name appear on her phone. 

 

“Hey, I was just wondering if you had heard from Alex about what was happening at the DEO,” Lena said with a little worry in her voice. 

 

“What are you talking about Lena, Alex is sitting right next to me,” Maggie said as she had turned her phone to speaker, so Alex could hear as well. 

 

“If you guys finished up at the DEO, then where is Kara?” Lena asked as the panic built up inside her. 

 

“I haven’t been at the DEO for hours and I haven’t seen Kara there at all, plus weren’t you two supposed to be having a quiet night in?” Alex asked with confusion in her voice. 

 

“No Kara told me after she got off work that she had to go help you capture an alien at the DEO,” Lena said. 

 

“I haven’t talked to Kara since last night. I invited the two of you over for a sister’s night, but she told me that the two of you just wanted to have a quiet night in,” Alex asked suddenly worried about her younger sister. 

 

“She never told me that we got invited over there, but if she isn’t at the DEO then, where is she?” Lena asked.

 

“I don’t know, look I am going to head over to the DEO just to make sure Kara isn’t there but why don’t you try and call her phone. Maggie is going to head over to Catco to make sure she isn’t still at work,” Alex said as she hung up the phone with Lena and her and Maggie left to go look for the younger girl. 

 

0000

 

It had been close to an hour and no one had any luck finding Kara. Maggie had gone to Catco and had talked to James who hadn’t seen Kara since she had left a few hours ago. Alex had spoken to J’onn and said he hadn’t seen or heard from Kara all day. Lena had tried to call Kara multiple times but had no luck reaching the girl. All three of them were starting to get really worried. It was close to midnight at this point and no one had seen or heard from the girl for hours. They decided it would be best to have Maggie track Kara’s phone, so they went down to her precinct. The search took a few minutes but as soon as Maggie saw the address she cursed under her breath. 

 

“Dammit, she is at the alien bar,” Maggie said as Lena and Alex looked over to the computer screen. 

 

“What is she doing there by herself?” Lena asked. 

 

“I don’t know but we need to go and get her,” Alex said as the other two women nodded their heads in agreement and they headed outside to Maggie’s car. They pulled up to the bar 10 minutes later and after Maggie had parked, they all ran inside. The bar was pretty crowded that night and they decided to split up to find Kara. Maggie had turned the corner and was looking over toward the booths when she caught a flash of blonde hair. She looked over again and saw Kara sitting at a table with two other women. Kara was very clearly drunk at this point as Maggie made her way over to the table. Kara barely had her eyes opened and was speaking nonsense as the two other women just watched her. 

 

“Kara, hey we need to get you home,” Maggie said as the two women looked up at her. 

 

“Hey, do you know her?” One of the girls asked as Maggie shook her head that she did. “Okay, we saw her drinking alone and she seemed to be getting pretty bad, so we sat with her. We didn’t want her to be alone,” The other girl said. 

 

“Thank you for looking out for her, I will take it from here,” Maggie said as the two girls got up and headed over to a different area of the bar. 

 

“Kara hey look at me,” Maggie said as she grabbed Kara’s face with her hands. Kara opened her eyes and Maggie could tell that they were unfocused. It was at this moment that Lena and Alex made their way over to help. 

 

“Hey she is wasted. We need to get her home,” Maggie said as the two other women nodded their heads. Lena grabbed one side of Kara and Alex grabbed the other and the two practically had to drag her outside to the car. Maggie grabbed Kara’s purse and coat and followed behind the girls. They got out to the car and after getting Kara in the backseat, Lena followed to sit next to her girlfriend. Alex got in the passenger seat and Maggie started up the car. They decided to go to Kara and Lena’s place since it was the closest and had the most space. They pulled up to the parking lot and Alex opened the door to help Lena get Kara out. They made it up to the apartment and through the door just as Kara threw up all over the kitchen floor. Maggie ran over and put a trashcan under Kara’s mouth before she threw up again. They got Kara into the bathroom and Lena and Alex worked on wiping her down and getting her changed as Maggie cleaned up the kitchen. When she was finally changed, they got her over to the bed and laid her on her side. Alex grabbed a trashcan and put it next to Kara’s bed as Lena got her girlfriend to take a few sips of water. Lena pulled up the sheets and laid next to Kara. Kara was still awake but was clearly still out of it. 

 

“Babe, what happened tonight?” Lena asked as Kara turned and looked at her. 

 

“I couldn’t do it anymore,” Kara replied. 

 

“Do what?” Lena asked not quite sure what Kara was implying. 

 

“Pretend I was okay. I was going to just have one drink but then I felt such a sense of relief and could just forget everything. One drink turned into another and then another and suddenly I lost control,” Kara said as she started to fall asleep with her head on Lena’s chest. Lena just kissed her on the forehead and ran her fingers through her hair. She looked over to Maggie and Alex who were standing by the doorway and who had heard everything Kara had said. 

 

“Hey, are you two good? We’re just going to sleep in the guest room,” Alex asked as she looked at her younger sister. 

 

“Yeah, thank you,” Lena said as Maggie and Alex walked into the next room. 

 

“Hey babe what are you thinking right now?” Maggie asked even though she knew what was going through Alex’s head. 

 

“I knew Kara wasn’t okay, but I didn’t want to push her, so I let it go. Dammit why didn’t I try harder,” Alex said as tears came to her eyes.

 

“Hey, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. We all let it go but we had no way of knowing that Kara was going to do this. Look starting now we are all going to make sure that we don’t let Kara just brush us off but for tonight we just need to get some sleep okay,” Maggie said as Alex nodded her head and snuggled up next to Maggie. 

 

They laid there for a few minutes in silence before Alex started talking again. “She is doing what I would do,” Alex whispered.

 

“What is that?” Maggie asked not quite knowing what Alex was talking about.

 

“Going alone to a bar and getting drunk. Sounds like something I would do, hell it’s something I have done many times,” Alex responded. “I mean it’s no wonder that is where she was tonight. I am supposed to set an example for her and that is how I choose to act,” Alex said with a huff. 

 

“Alex don’t beat yourself up over this. I mean you are not the only person who has found themselves drunk at a bar when things got too hard. I have been known to do that as well. Look Kara needed an escape and yes going to a bar and getting drunk is obviously not the answer, but we will figure it all out. I know you are used to looking out for Kara all by yourself but you don’t have to anymore. Lena and I are part of your family now and we both love Kara. We are all going to stick together and figure this out,” Maggie responded as she felt Alex’s hand grab onto hers. 

 

“I love you,” Alex said as she turned towards her wife and kissed her softly on the lips. 

 

“I love you too, now get some sleep,” Maggie responded as Alex nodded her head and they both closed their eyes and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
